Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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