It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Damn victory sex feels great
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
