You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
