They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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