her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
