i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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