drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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