I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
