I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
