it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
