I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
