This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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