I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
