is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
