we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
