just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
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