there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
