i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
