thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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