no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
