you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
