Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
