So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
