Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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