his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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