i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize