Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
