Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize