And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
