I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
