So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
