She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
