Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize