somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
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