Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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