i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
