I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
