mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
