Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
