ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
