Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
