so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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