I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
