Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
