just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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