Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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