Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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