Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
pop tarts are not kleenex
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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