I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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