i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
