He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
