Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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