Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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