Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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