What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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