WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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