I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
