Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
ttyl tear gas
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
