Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
