...so i touched it.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
