someone threw a dead crab at me
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
