Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
