it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize