I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
