clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
accomplished twins. life is a go
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
