At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize