I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
